CONFAN (Episode 3: Nuclear Plant)

CONFAN (Episode 3: Nuclear Plant)
(contined from last episode)
SPEAKER: Thank you ladies and gentlemen for
taking your time to help Nigeria. God alone can
compensate you as this administration can do little
in that regard.
BANKOLE: Ehn! What happens to sitting
allowance? I know how much i get for just sitting
down in NASS, watching members exchange blow.
FALANA: Shut up there! Have you not embezzled
enough? Till they dash you our foreign reserve?
BANKOLE: How much did i take? Whatever i took
was ignorable, or why else will the judge decide to
look aside?
UTOMI: You call taking over ten billion naira an
ignorable act? Eteh got her hands burnt for less
than a billion.

BANKOLE: (laughs) Professor, they are two
different things. Eteh, Ibori, Alams, Ibru and the
rest stole, they stole, i did not steal, I cornered.
Stealing is an offence but cornering is not, abi,
Falana is there punishment for cornering money
(laughs)
SPEAKER: Please lets remember why we are here.
In answer to your question, there would definitely
be ghana must go bags for interested people.
Members of SAVE NIGERIA GROUP, the offer is
not available to you. The President is introducing
light saving bulbs, if we cant generate more power,
we can manage the one we have. Any question on
that?
BAKARE: Is there subsidy on the bulbs?
JONATHAN: Thank you for that intelligent
question, but i really cannot answer you. Okonjo is
on her way, when she gets here you can ask her.
Hope i answered your question?
BAKARE: Obviously, to the best of your ability.
SPEAKER: Thank you. Ehn, the President has two
surprises for all delegates here present. First is a
recognition of all men that have contribute to one
way or another to governance Nigeria since
independence. The President will personaly hand
out the awards, he will call the name and the
contribution,If you dont hear your name, you are
unlucky, thank you!
(Jonathan takes the stage)
JONATHAN: I will start from Ekwueme, for being
the first man to realize we need independence.
One wonders what others were thinking. Ahmadu
Bello for trying to develop the North, thanks to
Nzeogwu and his boys, they killed him before he
got too far. Awolowo for trying to make South West
look like America, the fedral government
successfully ended the rubbish. Azikiwe for also
appearing in the picture. Aguiyi Ironsi for leadiing
his cohorts to ruin. Gowon and Ojukwu for using
Nigerians to shoot war film. Murtala for trying to
restore democracy, is Dimka here? Throw him out!
Obasanjo for taking the reward of Murtala's
labour. Shagari for running a massively corrupt
government. Buhari for forming super hero, thank
you for your rigid cleansing lotion. Babangida, you
have award as Maradona 1 of Africa, you should
have disciples. Abiola, i already gave you UNILAG,
no more honors from me. Abacha, thank you for
eating those apples! What if you did not? I must
also mention Yaradua for giving us our first female
President. Also mention must be made of the
victims of those already mentioned; Yaradua Snr,
SaroWiwa, Kudirat, Giwa, Ige, Funsho Williams,
Dina amongst others. How can i forget Sgt. Rogers,
thank you for your effort. Thank you all (applause)
SPEAKER: Thank you Mr President. Now the
second surprise is, the President has decided to
solve our national power supply problem by
investing in nuclear power plant. (total silence) He
deserves applause for that.
BUHARI: Hope he is planning to site them in
Bayelsa?
SPEAKER: No, he would be siting it in various
locations across the country!
TINUBU: NO! The South West is happy with the
current situation, he should give the less privileged
parts.
BABANGIDA: The north certainly doesnt need it,
we are alright as we are.
AMAECHI: Must every good thing be sited in the
Niger Delta? Let other regions take up the
challenge.
SPEAKER: This is a one in a decade opportunity to
open up.....
OGD: Ok, why not site one in Ota Farm? Baba can
make that sacrifice to his beloved nation
OBSASANJO: Which farm? Gbenga! Gbenga!
Gbenga! Ma begi fun e! ( i will curse you) The land
is not my own anymore. i have donated it to the
church.
OGD: Baba!!!
OBASANJO: Stop Babaing me! You forget am now
a reverend? Why would i lie?
SPEAKER: Its a pity no state wants to take it, the
President has provided a grant of 50billion naira
for any state that accepts that the plant should
be.....
( Delegates struggle to show there intention to
have the plant sited in there state)
(to be continued)
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN